You Made Me Proud
by CBloom2
Summary: A few weeks after Swan Song Dean thinks about his brother...not a brilliant summary but I hope you give it a go.
1. Chapter 1

SPOILERS FOR 5.22 – DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET.

Thought I would jump on the Swan Song bandwagon. I know that we see a certain someone at the end, but I thought about how Dean might feel after a few weeks, when everything has settled down. I'm sure I don't do it justice but hey, I'm only playing with this.

As before, I don't own any characters that you've heard of, I just like to toy with them every now and again!

You Made Me Proud

Dean paced up and down the kitchen, "You'll wear a hole in that floor," Lisa remarked, trying to break the tension in the air.

Dean looked at her, noticing the concern etched across her face, "I need to get out…" was all he said. Lisa nodded her acknowledgement as he quickly gathered his keys and flung on his jacket. She was getting quite used to this. It would happen probably every other night. Dean would get super- antsy, and would have to drive to goodness knows where, then arrive back home in the middle of the night. She didn't know where he had been but at least he wasn't out getting drunk every night. She sighed deeply when she heard the familiar roar of the Impala as Dean took off.

Dean floored the accelerator as he headed down the deserted road that led to a local beauty spot called 'Welcome Point'. He had found himself there a number of times in the last few weeks since Sam…Dean cast a glance over to the painfully empty passenger seat, as he had done every time he drove the car. The familiar feeling of loneliness and sadness washed over him yet again. This caused him to push his foot down on the pedal even more. When he reached 'Welcome Point', he pulled into a dark, deserted corner of the car park. He sat there for a while, staring. Then he dragged himself out of the car, grabbing a bottle of beer on the way. He settled himself on the hood (?) of his baby and looked at the scene in front of him. He had parked overlooking the city, so he had the twinkling of the city lights in the dark just below him. After taking a quick drink of his beer, he laid back gently so that all he could see was the star filled heavens above. He was glad of the darkness that was surrounding him, smothering him in a massive embrace almost as if it was trying to chase away the feeling of desolation that he could feel settling over him.

He found himself thinking back to the time when he and Sam had just managed to get away from that redneck family who had taken Sam prisoner, to use him as hunting fodder. He felt a shiver run through his bones as he recalled what he had seen in the house, the instruments of torture, not to mention the photographs of their victims – one of which would have been his little brother. After they had managed to get the Impala back, Dean had driven away like a maniac. He had wanted to put as much distance from that place as possible. That night, they had pulled up in a spot, not unlike the one he now sat in, and they had both laid on the hood with their backs against the windscreen just staring up to the stars. No words were spoken by either of them during this time. They were both just glad to be together again.

Dean took a mighty swig of his beer as the hopelessness of the situation seeped through him yet again.

As he looked to the heavens, a star streaked across the jewelled sky. Dean caught his breath, "Wish that was you Sammy…" He said quietly, not for the first time wishing that his brave, little brother was up there schmoozing with Cas and his cronies – because, quite honestly, the alternative didn't bear thinking about. He couldn't think about it…yet he did!

Instead, he found himself remembering what had happened on that fateful day all those weeks ago…how long ago was it? Dean recalled how he had driven slap bang into the middle of the angelic showdown. He had hoped to have spoken to Sam – his Sam, not the one who was wearing him. It had all gone pear shaped very quickly, when 'Lucifer' became bored with it all and wanted it to end. He shuddered as he remembered Cas and Bobby's demise and the beating he suffered at the hands of his 'brother', although he knew that it wasn't really his brother. Sam was inside fighting for his life…for the world. He remembered how, after telling Sam over and over again that he would never leave him, something had stopped him in his tracks. He'd ceased his beating of Dean and just stared. Suddenly Sam took control - over the devil! A myriad of emotions had flooded Sam's face in that one minute of respite. Repulsion, realisation of the mammoth achievement he had made, "It's ok Dean, it's gonna be ok…" He'd said, "I've got him."

Then the fear had taken over his face – an expression that he had never wanted to see on Sam…ever. He'd looked one final time to his big brother for guidance. Then there had been a slight incline of the head, as if to say, 'this is it, I'm doing this'. Dean had reciprocated with a small nod of his own, even though his whole being was screaming against it. Then that was it…reality. After that it had become a blur for Dean. He remembered Sam ready to go, then Michael in Adam's body became involved, then they were gone - both of them. All that was left was the eerie silence of the cemetery.

He closed his eyes as tears, yet again, threatened to fall from his eyes. There was another feeling coursing through him, one that he hadn't experienced that many times…pride. Although it went against everything that he had ever been brought up to do, he had let Sam make his own decision to save the world…and he had, even though in the process he had ruined Dean's own world, but because of that he was immensely proud of his little brother.

Finally he opened his eyes, searching the heavens for a sign…anything that could give him hope that Sam was somehow ok. He started as another shooting star streaked across the jewelled darkness. He raised his bottle to the sky, "Sammy…I know I've never said these things to you, but I need you to know that I am so proud of you. I miss you more than I ever thought I could. You're my wing man, my back up, but more than anything you're my baby brother. God, listen to me getting sentimental in my old age…" He laughed to himself as he scrubbed a hand across his face, "You made a choice and it was a good one, even though I hate myself for saying this, but I back you all they way. I love you Sam…always," he finished in a whisper. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a warm breeze whipped through the trees. To Dean it almost sounded like a heavenly chorus. He chuckled quietly to himself, "To much beer…" he mumbled. As the breeze wrapped around him, Dean couldn't help the slight smile that graced his lips, as a feeling of calm and peace cocooned him. Not for the first time that night, he closed his eyes in order to fully appreciate the feeling. Unfortunately for him, as he did this, he failed to notice the tall, lone figure that had stopped in the shadows. It glanced his way, then slowly began to walk away, with tears glistening on the cheeks and the hair swirling in the breeze…


	2. Chapter 2

**This was originally a one-shot but then I decided to do another chapter from Sam's perspective. Probably should've just left it as a one-shot, but here goes nothing!**

**Usual disclaimer – don't own them just play with them now and again!**

**You Made Me Proud – Chapter 2**

"I love you Sam…always"

Sam swallowed painfully as he turned away from his deeply saddened brother, the words that he had just heard still ringing in his ears. He couldn't remember Dean ever saying those three words…ever. He was glad of the emerging breeze that tumbled through the trees causing the rustling of the leaves, which helped to disguise a quiet sob that emerged from his throat. How he wanted to just go to his brother. To tell him that he was ok – but he couldn't. Dean was now living the life that he so richly deserved and if he had been to see him, Dean would have certainly fallen back into his old ways. He couldn't do that to him. He wouldn't do that to him.

"Don't you think he has the right to choose for himself Sam?" A voice from the darkness startled him.

"Cas? What…" Sam stammered.

"Can you look at your brother Sam and tell me that he is happy…content?" The angel asked as he walked out of the shadows.

"I saw him Cas. When I was pulled out I went to Lisa's house. He was content. He was having a life with Lisa and Ben. I can't…I won't…" Sam turned from the man in the trench coat and glanced over to the familiar, black car, which still had his brother laid on the top.

"Sam, he's not really happy. He's what you would call, going through the motions," Cas explained.

Sam shook his head. No, he'd seen him with his own eyes.

"He didn't want to let you down – even then. You need to see him… he needs to see you. It's killing him thinking of you being down there. He deserves to know Sam!"

When Sam turned back, the angel had disappeared.

Sam took a deep breath…

Before he knew what had happened, Sam found himself stood bang in front of the Impala. He smiled to himself as he gazed at the familiar hunk of metal - his home.

He looked at his brother who almost looked asleep on top of the car, trying desperately to get himself together so that he could talk to him. How hard could it be to talk to his brother? He needn't have worried because Dean's eyes suddenly shot open and looked straight at him. Dean bolted up and looked around him as if he was looking for something. His eyes darted to Sam, then left and right, up to the sky, and then finally he looked at the beer bottle in his hand, and tossed it far away.

Sam couldn't help but smile at that, "Hey Dean."

Even in the darkness that was splintered by the silvery moonlight, Sam could see the shock on Dean's face, "It can't be…I saw you…you went in…it closed up on you…" was all that Dean could muster.

Sam nodded, "I got out. I don't know how or why…"

"How long - how long have you been out?" Dean asked.

Sam suddenly found the floor interesting, "About a couple of weeks I think," he answered tentatively, knowing that Dean would soon have something to say about that.

"Two weeks, and you never thought to come and see me – to let me know that you were out!" Dean's voice was beginning to rise.

"Well, I saw you at Lisa's' a couple of times…"

"And it never occurred to you to knock on the door?"

"I didn't want to interfere with your life any more," Sam explained.

"Damn it Sam, you've been gone for weeks! That's a lot of years in the pit. Don't forget I know what it's like down there and I'm sure my term was a cakewalk at the side of yours." Sam could see his brother's eyes beginning to fill with tears, "I had a right to know you were ok!" He exclaimed forcefully.

Sam looked at his big brother in the silvery moonlight. Even in the soft light he could see the sleepless nights and the anguish etched on the tired looking face. Sam felt the guilt and shame rise through him, "I'm sorry Dean. You're right. I would've wanted to know if it was you. I thought I was doing the right thing…again," he finished almost in a whisper. How many mistakes had he made by trying to do the right thing already…and here was another one. Sam heard a small chuckle escape his lips, "What's so funny?" Dean asked, surprised to hear the sound.

"Some things never change, do they? I'm still apologising for the stupid choices that I make. Cas was right, I should've let you know I was ok. I am truly sorry Dean," Sam finished, not actually able to look his brother in the face at that moment.

Dean slid off the car and tentatively took a step towards the tall man. Sam watched as Dean looked him up and down. Always the same big brother, checking for blood or any other signs of injury. What occurred next touched Sam profoundly. Dean reached out a hand and gently touched Sam's windswept hair. He then let his hand fall onto his shoulder, squeezing it as if to confirm that it was really solid. He looked up into Sam's face, moving it from side to side, just looking… Then he brought his hand back onto Sam's shoulder, squeezing once more. With one hand on his shoulder Dean brought the other hand to cup the back of Sam's head, pulling him gently towards him in a tender embrace, which Sam reciprocated with more ferocity. This is what he had hoped for when he had seen his brother again. Dean buried his head into Sam's neck as a shudder galloped through his body, "Oh God Sammy, I thought I'd never see you again."

"Neither did I," Sam mumbled from behind Dean's shoulder.

Dean chuckled and pulled away slightly, but didn't let go completely, "I'm glad you're back. It hasn't been the same without your scrawny ass!"

"Chick flick much…"

"Chick flick be damned. My little brother is back from hell," Dean exclaimed, seeming to have a hard time getting the words out, "What you did Sam…well it was beyond awesome! You saved the world…"

"Sounds like a line from a show," Sam said, trying to break the electric tension that crackled between them.

Dean smiled, then pulled his not so little brother in for another hug, a not so gentle one this time, "You made me proud little brother…"

Sam felt himself begin to break, "And if you tell anyone about this, well I might have to kill you!" Dean finished.

**Authors note: Not sure that it all ended up from Sam's pov but I tried my best to keep it that way.**

**It's probably also quite out of character, but hey like I said before the story, I only like to play with them once in a while…ha, ha!**


End file.
